I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
My feet surprised me
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
dude. I can hear the air.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
