I wish i was in the wii world.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Found the puke drawer
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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