A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
