$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
