Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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