So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
