just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
