I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
