You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
