I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
