Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
