this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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