East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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