Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
