I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
