I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
