I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
