I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
