what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
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