I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I party with great urgency now.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
