did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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