She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
