Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
