Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
