I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We are two peas in an std pod
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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