Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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