so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
