dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
