you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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