My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
