so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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