New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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