Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
