is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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