Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
