i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
