Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
i think im in europe. pls send help
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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