You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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