So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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