***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
