im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
