The maid of honor just puked.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
