We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
