I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
