Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
