he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
