like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
