I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
