video games are the ultimate cock blocker
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
