i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
last night I used snow as a chaser
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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