when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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