She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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