It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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