I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
